Update

It's been a week since I last posted here; things have been a bit hectic, and a number of things needed my attention before I could turn back to this.

Anyway - first off, I signed up for a clinical trial at NYU's Department of Psychiatry; they're working on a new drug aimed at helping adults with ADD. It supposedly works the same as Methylphenidate, but without the side effects.

I've already gone through a pre-screening over the phone; should they decide that I'm a viable candidate for the trial, then I'll need to go in for a 4-5 full screening (!!!) before starting.

From what I've been told, it'll take 11 weeks for the study - 4 weeks on the drug, 4 weeks on a placebo. It's a double-blind procedure (meaning that neither they nor I will know which one I'll be on) and it's followed-up with weekly visits, at 90 minutes each.

Also, I'm looking at joining CHADD. It's looks as if I'll be joining the NYC branch, since a) Queens doesn't have one, and b) the Brooklyn one appears to be dedicated towards the Hasidic Jewish community.

And, I don't quite fit that bill.

Going forward, I'm going to be putting in a few links off to the side - I have quite a few of them already lines up, but I want to go over them before I do anything with them. I'm aiming for quality of links, not quantity.

Self-Diagnosis

I self-diagnosed my condition, based upon a lot of things I had read. It actually started by accident, as my wife and I had concerns about our youngest son. At four years old, he was showing all the hallmarks of what I had as a Hyperactive child: not being able to sit still, short attention span, easily distracted, irritability, etc.

So I used those observations as a checklist and started working my way through things until I came upon ADHD. I really didn't want to look there, mostly because I didn't want (and still don't want) my son to go through what I went through. But I finally looked it up and ran a printout that showed all the symptoms of ADHD to show my wife.

She read it one night after dinner, then sat down next to me and gave me the sheet. I asked her: 'So, what do you think? You think it's a close fit to X?' *

'No,' she said, 'but it does perfectly describe you.'

That rocked me. It never occurred to me that something like this existed for adults (remember, my doctor told me when I was 12 that it stopped at that age - why should I not believe him?).

The next day, I started looking things up for myself. God, was I in trouble. I used the WHO screener, I used the Strattera screener; both pegged me as having it.

I found a copy of the original 17 question Utah scale (now called the Wender Utah Rating for ADHD) and, out of the 17 sociological and psychological traits common in people with ADD, I had 16 (12 or more meant you had it).

So I dug my heels in and started doing even more research.

You'll start to see the results of that on the sidebar over the next week.

*: If you think that I'm going to post my wife's name or my child's name, boy are you wrong.

History Lesson

I was initially diagnosed at age seven - at that time, it was still called Hyperactivity. From what I've been told, I basically, jumped off the doctor's table and proceeded to pace the room, talking rapidly without stopping. This, along with a noticeable lack of attention, led to my diagnosis.

It also led to having to take 10mg Ritalin 2x a day for the next six years. Wait, no, that's not completely true: my doctor was concerned that my body may develop a tolerance to the Ritalin, I would a) spend three months out of the year taking Dexedrine, and b) not take anything during the summer.

When I hit thirteen, the doctor told me and my parents that he had to take me off the meds, since they would not longer have an effect on me. His solution to this was to have me start drinking coffee.

Yeah, I know. My psychiatrist couldn't believe that, either.

So I started drinking coffee. And I did so for the next, oh...26 years.

During that time, I knew things weren't working out right. I failed two courses my first semester of high school (and almost got kicked out because of it) and really found myself unable to focus on anything.

Oh, and did I mention that my condition also came with a temper? No> Well, yeah - it did. A very bad temper, one which led to holes being put into walls, among other things. And every time I had an outbreak like that, I would try to tell my parents that I needed to go back to the meds, because I needed the help.

See, I could tell, even then - I should've grown up to be a doctor or something.

Unfortunately, my parents insisted on following my doctor's advice, and so I kept taking coffee.
As the years progressed, I worked on building up some coping skills to help me get through things like school, etc. Of course, researching ADD now, those coping skills I put together for myself on my own are exactly the same things a lot of ADD websites are advocating.

Anyway, a little less than two years ago, things started to, well, slip. I could feel myself losing focus, both at work and at home. See, I was under a lot of stress: not only did I have my 45+ hour/week job, but I also had responsibilities as a husband and father (still do, btw), a commitment to working on my bachelor's degree with two to three classes a semester and a side job.

So, all of those stressors, working together, resulted in my coping skills eroding before my very eyes. I was unable to concentrate on anything, I was snippy, I found myself yelling at my kids - and that was what bothered me more than anything else.

So I started looking, reading what I could about my symptoms. That's when I found out about ADD, and how it can continue well into adulthood.

What happened next is a whole other post.

A Quick Note About the Masthead

The picture seen behind the title of this blog is of a human brain, scanned to show which areas have been affected by ADD. The yellow and green sections show a decrease in the delivery of arterial blood to the capillary beds found on the top of the brain.

This picture can be found at the website for Silicon Valley Brain Spect Imaging, Inc. of San Jose, CA.

Please don't sue me for that.

The Ground Rules

I think that it's safe to say that the name of this blog is fairly self-explanatory; I'm an adult living with ADD.

Well, looks like I just lost about half of you.

For those who don't know, ADD stands or Attention Deficit Disorder and is the adult or grown-up version of ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder). Sometimes, it's called 'Adult ADHD' or 'AADD' - but it's all the same thing. Really.

Aaaaaaaand there goes the other half of you.

For the record, this is not going to be some sort of scientific-based info dump. Will there be some info dumped here, either in quoted text or via link? Sure. But the majority of the entries I'll be putting up here will be about me living day-to-day with my ADD.

Sometimes, there will be photos. Sometimes, there will be some ranting. Sometimes, I'll just be throwing things out there (a sure sign that I may need to change my scrip). Hopefully, through all of this, I'll be able to figure some things out about this condition, and about myself.

So, feel free to drop a note, if you want.

(NOTE: I'm not a doctor - this is something that I'll be most likely repeating on this site a number of times. I'm just an 40-year-old guy who's like you - yes, you, in the back there - and who's got half a brain in his head and knows how to use it. Again, I'M NOT A DOCTOR, nor do I play one on television, so don't come crying or screaming, 'But YOU said-" Sorry, but it just doesn't work that way.)