Monday, November 3

Weight check: 210 lbs.

Dosage taken at 5:25 am (x1).

Weekend Update

Well, that projected 7 am dosage of Vyvanse on Saturday? Yeah, that didn't happen until around 8:45 am. And it looks like it wore off around 5 or so.

So x1 = 8:45, and x2 = 5, which means:

d = x2-x1
= 5-8:45
d = 8 hours and 15 minutes

The Sunday dosage was taken around 8 am, and I have absolutely no recollection as to when it wore off.

Here's why:

I realized that, if I have a To Do list, this Vyvanse helps me stay on top of it and just plow my way through it.

If I don't have a To Do list? Well, let's just say I get kind of lost. I can still get things done, but just not with the efficiency and expediency I've found by having the list.

November 1 start-up

Weight check: 210.5

Expected time of dosage: 7 am

Halloween, etc.

Woke up late and had more than a hectic day, so this post is late.

Vyvnase (and the right music) went a long way yesterday. I was able to focus consistently for a very long time, more than I could expect. As a result, I got a whole helluva lot done.

Weight check: 211

Time dose was taken: 5:40 am (x1).

So, the dose wore off around 2 pm (x2), which means:

d = x2 - x1
= 2 - 5:40
= 8 hours and 20 minutes

Thursday, October 30

Weight check: 211.5 lbs.

Time of dosage: 5:45 am (x1)

Looking Back on Day One

It looks as if Vyvanse seems to work. There are several things I noticed:

1. Focus; Between coming off of the generic methylphenidate and starting on the Vyvanse - a span of approximately 4 months - I could not focus and it showed. It showed at work (where I would waste most of my day playing card games on the computer), it showed at school (where I delayed everything), and it showed at home.

Yesterday, Day One on Vyvanse? I had a major - and I mean major - project thrown at me first thing in the morning, and it needed to be done before the end of the day. If this had happened before, I'd've either procrastinated on it big time or cobbled together something that was not have fit the bill.

What I ended up doing is staying completely focused on it, not only getting it done well within my time constraint, but also far exceeding the expectations of my boss regarding the quality of the final piece.

2. Duration; this was my big problem with methylphenidate. None of it lasted more than 3-4 hours. Hell, I even took Ritalin SR - which has an expected life span of 6-8 hours - and even that never made it past the four hour mark on a good day.

3. Fidgeting; there's a story here - that day I first met with the psychiatrist, he told me that one of the things I need to do is learn control. "Think before you speak; think before you act." Right there is the only positive thing I took away from that session.

So I decided that I would work on my self-control, one thing at a time. But where to start, right?

I started with my knuckles.

I've been cracking my knuckles since I was in the sixth grade, which makes that about, oh, 29 years that I've been cracking my knuckles.

Obviously, this was the thing I decided to start with.

And it was tough; always is when you're working on a habit you've had that long. To me, this was the equivalent of a long-term smoker suddenly giving up cigarettes. But for a while, I was able to do it.

However, once I moved off the methylphenidate, I found myself slipping. And even once I was back on the methylphendiate (as Concerta), I found it difficult to stop.

Yesterday? I think I cracked my knuckles twice - three times at best. So that's another good one.

As I mentioned previously, I had taken the dose 5:33 am; we'll call that x1. If I'm right, the dosage probably wore off around 2:30-3:00 pm. Let's say, for the sake of argument, it wore off at 2:30 pm; we'll call that x2.

Using that information, we'll plug it all into this equation: d = x2 - x1, where x1 is the time the dose was taken, x2 is the assumed time the dose wore off, and d is the difference between the two (sorry; I've been taking statistics courses lately).

So, d = x2 - x1
d = 2:30 pm - 5:33 am
d = 8 hours, 57 minutes

That's actually pretty good.

I'll be keeping up on this, and, if I can figure out how to do it, I'll incorporate a graph of the duration over time. It's something I had done when I was tracking progress in a physical notebook, and while I know I could do the same thing in Excel, I still need to figure out how to port it into Blogger.

But for now, a good start.

The Pendulum Swings

So, even while on meds, I tend to do things in cycles. Bothers the hell out of me, even more for my wife (who deserves a lot more credit than I give her for putting up with me for this long).

One of the things I regret not keeping up with (just one?) is a journal I had started back in April, coinciding with the start of treatment for my ADD. I had actually been able to keep up with it very well, until the start of July.

That was when a psychiatrist said, "You need Strattera - here's a prescription. Start taking it, and I guarantee that you won't have a problem again."

So I started the Strattera. Know what happened?

Nothing happened.

That's right. There was no response to it whatsoever. And all the progress, all the discipline I had had developed since April - out the window. Sometimes, on clear days, I look out the window and think that I can still see them, flying around. I wave at them, and imagine them waving back.

So, what I'm going to do now is try to get back to that, using this blog. Everything that I can remember writing in my journal will be done here.

And with that:

Weight Check: 211 lbs.

Time of 50 mg Vyvanse dosage: 5:33 am (x1)

Notes: The 211 is a good sign, seeing as how I was 214 on Friday. I'm still a little higher than the 207.5 I was at a little more than two weeks ago, but seeing as how the weight is dropping again, I should be able to get back down to that and then some.

Doctor's Note

Saw my doctor yesterday, and walked out with a prescription for Vyvanse.

Anyone know anything about it?

Update

Went and rescheduled my appointment with my doctor; it was in November, but I moved it to next Monday.

It's been a couple of weeks on the 54 mg Concerta, and it's not working.

Time to fix that.

Updates and apologies

Not doing so well on the blogging, am I? I'm going to try to make a better attempt on that.

So, anyway - I contacted the Hollowell Center here in NYC to see if I could come in, try to work with them on my ADD. Sadly, they're out of my price range.

Seriously - $375-450 for the initial visit? And they don't take insurance?

Makes me think that either a) I'm not the one who needs help here, or b) I'm in the wrong line of work.

Which means that I'm back to diet and supplements, and see what works best. I read that Zinc Sulfate and Fish Oil blends work well, so I'll to find some.

Also, bumped up the Concerta to 54 mg, but that doesn't seem to be working either - it just seems wrong that I can take a stimulant like that at 4:30-5:00 am, and be fighting sleep at 9 am.

I dunno, maybe it's me. In any case, I'll be making a new appt. with my doc and try to go with multiple doses of generic methylphenidate over the course of the day.

My State - 10/08/08

So, here's how things currently are:

1 - Meds: As of today, I've started taking Concerta at 54 mg, once a day. This is my last shot at any sort of one-a-day type medication; if this doesn't work, then I have to move back to generic methylphenidate, two to three times a day.

Also, because of the effects of the ADD medication on my blood pressure, I'm still taking 18 mg HCTZ once a day in the morning.

2 - Therapy: not for me. Especially after the therapist I was going to told that I shouldn't be telling anything to the wife - "Ever." My response to that was, "Yooooooooooooou're not married, are you?"

Turns out he's divorced - wonder why.

3 - Support Groups: no CHADD groups - or ADD support groups of any kind here in Queens, and the only one in Brooklyn caters to the Hasidic community. Hmm, don't see me joining that one anytime soon.

4 - Trial studies: I had gone through a pre-screening for a NYU trial study for Adult ADD, but it looks as if my taking the HCTZ has automatically ruled me out.

5 - Alt therapies: Right now, I' m looking into diet and supplement alternatives. More on that as I find things out.

A Quick Note

Yes, I know - I haven't been here lately. There's been a lot of stress coming at me from all angles, and I needed some time to manage my way through them.

I just needed to get that out there.

Update

It's been a week since I last posted here; things have been a bit hectic, and a number of things needed my attention before I could turn back to this.

Anyway - first off, I signed up for a clinical trial at NYU's Department of Psychiatry; they're working on a new drug aimed at helping adults with ADD. It supposedly works the same as Methylphenidate, but without the side effects.

I've already gone through a pre-screening over the phone; should they decide that I'm a viable candidate for the trial, then I'll need to go in for a 4-5 full screening (!!!) before starting.

From what I've been told, it'll take 11 weeks for the study - 4 weeks on the drug, 4 weeks on a placebo. It's a double-blind procedure (meaning that neither they nor I will know which one I'll be on) and it's followed-up with weekly visits, at 90 minutes each.

Also, I'm looking at joining CHADD. It's looks as if I'll be joining the NYC branch, since a) Queens doesn't have one, and b) the Brooklyn one appears to be dedicated towards the Hasidic Jewish community.

And, I don't quite fit that bill.

Going forward, I'm going to be putting in a few links off to the side - I have quite a few of them already lines up, but I want to go over them before I do anything with them. I'm aiming for quality of links, not quantity.

Self-Diagnosis

I self-diagnosed my condition, based upon a lot of things I had read. It actually started by accident, as my wife and I had concerns about our youngest son. At four years old, he was showing all the hallmarks of what I had as a Hyperactive child: not being able to sit still, short attention span, easily distracted, irritability, etc.

So I used those observations as a checklist and started working my way through things until I came upon ADHD. I really didn't want to look there, mostly because I didn't want (and still don't want) my son to go through what I went through. But I finally looked it up and ran a printout that showed all the symptoms of ADHD to show my wife.

She read it one night after dinner, then sat down next to me and gave me the sheet. I asked her: 'So, what do you think? You think it's a close fit to X?' *

'No,' she said, 'but it does perfectly describe you.'

That rocked me. It never occurred to me that something like this existed for adults (remember, my doctor told me when I was 12 that it stopped at that age - why should I not believe him?).

The next day, I started looking things up for myself. God, was I in trouble. I used the WHO screener, I used the Strattera screener; both pegged me as having it.

I found a copy of the original 17 question Utah scale (now called the Wender Utah Rating for ADHD) and, out of the 17 sociological and psychological traits common in people with ADD, I had 16 (12 or more meant you had it).

So I dug my heels in and started doing even more research.

You'll start to see the results of that on the sidebar over the next week.

*: If you think that I'm going to post my wife's name or my child's name, boy are you wrong.

History Lesson

I was initially diagnosed at age seven - at that time, it was still called Hyperactivity. From what I've been told, I basically, jumped off the doctor's table and proceeded to pace the room, talking rapidly without stopping. This, along with a noticeable lack of attention, led to my diagnosis.

It also led to having to take 10mg Ritalin 2x a day for the next six years. Wait, no, that's not completely true: my doctor was concerned that my body may develop a tolerance to the Ritalin, I would a) spend three months out of the year taking Dexedrine, and b) not take anything during the summer.

When I hit thirteen, the doctor told me and my parents that he had to take me off the meds, since they would not longer have an effect on me. His solution to this was to have me start drinking coffee.

Yeah, I know. My psychiatrist couldn't believe that, either.

So I started drinking coffee. And I did so for the next, oh...26 years.

During that time, I knew things weren't working out right. I failed two courses my first semester of high school (and almost got kicked out because of it) and really found myself unable to focus on anything.

Oh, and did I mention that my condition also came with a temper? No> Well, yeah - it did. A very bad temper, one which led to holes being put into walls, among other things. And every time I had an outbreak like that, I would try to tell my parents that I needed to go back to the meds, because I needed the help.

See, I could tell, even then - I should've grown up to be a doctor or something.

Unfortunately, my parents insisted on following my doctor's advice, and so I kept taking coffee.
As the years progressed, I worked on building up some coping skills to help me get through things like school, etc. Of course, researching ADD now, those coping skills I put together for myself on my own are exactly the same things a lot of ADD websites are advocating.

Anyway, a little less than two years ago, things started to, well, slip. I could feel myself losing focus, both at work and at home. See, I was under a lot of stress: not only did I have my 45+ hour/week job, but I also had responsibilities as a husband and father (still do, btw), a commitment to working on my bachelor's degree with two to three classes a semester and a side job.

So, all of those stressors, working together, resulted in my coping skills eroding before my very eyes. I was unable to concentrate on anything, I was snippy, I found myself yelling at my kids - and that was what bothered me more than anything else.

So I started looking, reading what I could about my symptoms. That's when I found out about ADD, and how it can continue well into adulthood.

What happened next is a whole other post.

A Quick Note About the Masthead

The picture seen behind the title of this blog is of a human brain, scanned to show which areas have been affected by ADD. The yellow and green sections show a decrease in the delivery of arterial blood to the capillary beds found on the top of the brain.

This picture can be found at the website for Silicon Valley Brain Spect Imaging, Inc. of San Jose, CA.

Please don't sue me for that.

The Ground Rules

I think that it's safe to say that the name of this blog is fairly self-explanatory; I'm an adult living with ADD.

Well, looks like I just lost about half of you.

For those who don't know, ADD stands or Attention Deficit Disorder and is the adult or grown-up version of ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder). Sometimes, it's called 'Adult ADHD' or 'AADD' - but it's all the same thing. Really.

Aaaaaaaand there goes the other half of you.

For the record, this is not going to be some sort of scientific-based info dump. Will there be some info dumped here, either in quoted text or via link? Sure. But the majority of the entries I'll be putting up here will be about me living day-to-day with my ADD.

Sometimes, there will be photos. Sometimes, there will be some ranting. Sometimes, I'll just be throwing things out there (a sure sign that I may need to change my scrip). Hopefully, through all of this, I'll be able to figure some things out about this condition, and about myself.

So, feel free to drop a note, if you want.

(NOTE: I'm not a doctor - this is something that I'll be most likely repeating on this site a number of times. I'm just an 40-year-old guy who's like you - yes, you, in the back there - and who's got half a brain in his head and knows how to use it. Again, I'M NOT A DOCTOR, nor do I play one on television, so don't come crying or screaming, 'But YOU said-" Sorry, but it just doesn't work that way.)